did you know that the main reason we have a school lunch program is that in 1946 kids were too underfed to qualify for military service bc i just found that out and am horrified
nobody cares about children’s well being without an ulterior motive
“Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.” - George Carlin
A relationship is like a house
If a lightbulb goes out, you don’t buy a new house, you just change the lightbulb.
Unless that house is a lying whore
Then you burn the fucker to the ground and buy a better house with lights that you can fucking count on.
This took the best possible turn.
long-distance friendships are terrible because you can’t meet up with them whenever you want and hang out on any given day which is why when i’m president i’m relocating the entire human population into a 10,000,000 story skyscraper that also acts as a bridge from earth to the moon which comes with the added benefit of swinging the moon around like a fucking mace, god damn it’s gonna look so cool. what was i talking about